It’s no doubt that after having kids, it leaves both parents tired, drained and even frustrated, especially moms. It’s even worse when you have two kids or more. Kids do have a wear and tear effect on marriage. It can also be quite an adjustment for some people to transition from the liberating couplehood life to what they are accustomed to now having a family that needs you 24/7.
All people have positive and negative qualities. — Carrie Askin LCSW
The key to having a successful marriage after kids is not to give up and to stick by your partner’s side while raising your kids. Parenting is a glorious experience when both mother and father play a role in it. Cherish your little ones while they’re young because they won’t stay kids forever.
Here’s some tips that can help you with having a happy marriage and raising your kids to the fullest at the same time:
Set Routines for Your Kids
Have a set bedtime, meal time, homework time etc. It is important to have your kids settled in a routine. They will become so used to it, and this will also help you and your partner. This will make your life a whole lot easier.
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Help your wives out wherever you can. Whether it’s some household chores, helping your child with homework or giving the baby a bath. Whatever you can help with, your wife will really appreciate it. It will relieve her and by doing this, she will also have more time for you.
Remember, taking care of the kids and looking after the household is worse than a full-time job and it’s difficult for her to cope, especially if she also works. You also have a role to play at home and the kids are yours, too, so help her out with it and take part in the duties of your household.
An important part of the interactions between you and your spouse is the way in which you communicate thoughts, ideas, and feelings primarily through verbal communication. — Catherine Aponte Psy.D.
Plan a Date for Just You and Your Partner
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a little break away from your kids to have some husband and wife time. In fact, this will help you with strengthening your marriage and not to mention having some peace and quiet for a little while! Ask family members if they would take care of your kids for the day or hire a reliable nanny. Then plan a date with your partner, whatever you used to enjoy before you had kids. You can also make this a monthly or bi-weekly thing.
Plan Family Activities
This can be games that are played at home or you can go out for family fun activities. Considering fishing, camping or having a picnic at the park and playing with the kids. This will allow you and your family to bond. It will make your kids happy and your partner too.
Exchange Flirty and Sexy Emails or Messages During the Day
This will make you feel great about yourself and your partner will definitely look forward to coming home to you. It will also keep the spark alive in your marriage and will make you feel like a newlywed couple.
Be Patient with Each Other
Patience is another key to having a strong and healthy marriage. Overlook the small bad habits that your partner has. Remember nobody is perfect, not even you. Getting tired and sloppy is also humanly. So, be patient with your partner when this happens to them.
There’s no rule in the book that you must have sex every night without fail. In fact, having sex every night is probably impossible with kids and careers. By having sex even 2-3 times a week doesn’t mean your marriage is failing. Having sex twice a week is fine. When you and your partner stop having sex, then you should start worrying and working on your marriage.
I wish I had a dollar for each time someone in my practice said, “I wasn’t in the mood when I started making love but once we got into it, I really enjoyed myself. It felt great.” — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW