“For many men, however, the woman is central. He may love his house and his kids, but men often tell me that their primary want is pretty simple: they just want their wife to be happy.” — Vikki Stark M.S.W., M.F.T.
If your husband had spent ten years of his life living with you, that is more than enough to make you say that you know him well. You shared the same roof and the same bed. You know all the embarrassing secrets that he doesn’t usually divulge to others. Sure, he had people in his life before you, and they are a part of his past. People change with time, so with the decade you spent together, no one can tell you that they know your husband enough to correct or invalidate your thoughts.
Your husband has a family whom he shared about two decades of his life. His parents watched his every milestone, and her brother and sister had seen him struggle with adolescence. However, you are his wife, and you know the present him.
Reasons Why You Know Your Husband More Than Anyone:
You Know Your Husband More Than Your In-Laws
It is because they only know the young version of their son, and we all know that people grow up. Dreams and perspective change as we get old. We develop fears and behaviors we didn’t have when we were children.
You might hear your mother-in-law say, “I know him more than anyone. I am his mom.” This statement has truth to it. She was there when he knew nothing but happiness, and you as a parent would likely feel the same about your child. You think you know him well enough, but that’s because he is eight.
“The good news is that a lot of the rules that used to govern what marriage and family should look like are changing.” — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.
Yes, our parents know our foundation, but there are many evolving aspects that we acquire when we raise a family of our own. We experience different stressors than our parents. We meet different people and deal with various problems because the life we live in is in so many ways different from how life was 30 years ago.
You Know Your Husband More Than His Friends
Sometimes, the relationship of your husband with his friends may affect your marriage, especially when you feel that they are overstepping their boundaries. Your husband may confide or share things about you, but that doesn’t give them the right to have a say in the issue. Yes, they can give their opinion, but they should never meddle with your relationship.
To speak fairly, there are also some things we might not know about our husbands that his friends do. For instance, you may not pay attention to his favorite football player, and it is one of the things that he could excitingly share with his friends, especially when he knows that football doesn’t interest you. It’s just like with our girlfriends and us. They are the only ones we share our makeup brands with and absolutely not our husbands.
You Probably Know Your Husband More Than Himself.
However, this is a complicated thing as we tend to believe what we observe and feel. For instance, you might think he is not romantic because he doesn’t take you out on a date, buy you expensive stuff, or surprise you. However, do you really know what he thinks? What if he wants to, but he also thinks of you as someone who doesn’t want to go out because of social anxiety, you don’t want gifts because you feel it’s a waste of money and you are saving, or you hate surprises.
You know your husband as far as he expresses himself, but beyond that, you could only assume and base on past situations. Your thoughts about him depend upon what he shows you which could be confusing at times. However, don’t misunderstand confusion with not knowing him entirely.
“We can use the imagination and the will to adapt that allowed us to claim meaningful partnerships in the face of adversity–and against all odds–to remain awake, alive, and engaged with our spouses, well beyond our wedding days.” — Mark O’Connell LCSW-R
Evidently, we know a person based on how much time we spent with him. However, they say that you don’t know someone until you see him under pressure. Who else sees your husband through all the stress and struggles? It’s definitely not his parents nor his friends.…