Does An Open Marriage Really Work?

 

What is the concept of marriage? As far as I can remember, when I married my husband, the vow was to be united and become one with him, to be true and to be intimate only to him. However, it seems some couples want to make their vows AFTER their marriage because they think it will make things better. To stop the arguments and infidelity issues, they decide to go into an open marriage. But can it possibly resolve anything? Can it save a distressed marriage?

In actuality, the idea of an open marriage is not as new as we think it is. This type of relationship has been seen years back, although not as prevalent as now. The increasing number of couples who want to try an open marriage maybe because as infidelity heightens, couples want to justify their actions and would rather find a reason to save the marriage than resolve the matter. If the intimacy is gone between the couples, then perhaps an open relationship would solve it, as this is only a sex issue. But would it work?

The most deafening answer is NO. It won’t help strengthen a marriage, nor does it encourage honesty in the relationship. Here are a few reasons why.

  • Rules Don’t Equal Real Emotions. When a spouse cheats and tells his partner that he loves her no matter what, they think that their love and trust for each other sill encompass anything, which is why some of them are willing to permit others to ‘join’ the union temporarily, just to fill in what’s lacking in the marriage. But we all know it’s easier said than done. Remember that emotions don’t mind the rules. If a spouse sees another to fill in the gaps, the rule here is, of course, to not get emotionally involved. Eventually, he gets attracted at a deeper level; the rules will be so much harder to follow. Instead of helping the marriage, the only thing it will do is to worsen it.

 

  • Jealousy Is Inevitable. Envy is one of the things that an open relationship wants to avoid. If the couple says, they truly love each other, letting another person in the relationship will not cause any jealousy – or at least that’s the rule. But humans are innately possessive, especially when it comes to things and people we love. No matter how modern or open-minded you think you are, it won’t be easy to acknowledge that you are sharing your spouse to another – your lifetime partner and father of your kids. If you are not at all affected by it, though, you might want to assess your feelings towards your spouse. Perhaps they’ve gotten cold because of what you’ve been through.

 

  • Self-esteem Will Absolutely Suffer. Having friends and significant others is an important part of one’s life simply because you can’t find everything in one person. But when your spouse talks you out of wanting to connect with another physically or intimately apparently to ‘save the marriage,’ and you reluctantly agree, it will slowly devour you and your self-esteem. You start to wonder why he asked for it in the first place, and then you think that you are not enough for your spouse. To solve this, you may seek attention from others and will push you to see others as well. The vicious cycle continues and will ultimately destroy the marriage.

Final Thoughts

If you and your partner are considering open marriage, perhaps you should think twice or thrice before doing so. It might look like a promising solution to your marriage problems, but then again, it may only be a temporary mask to the real issue at hand. It might even add more insult to the injury that your marriage has already gone through.

 

 

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Surviving A Long Distance Marriage

 

You may not have chosen to be in a long-distance marriage when you exchanged vows with your spouse, for others living apart but together is indeed a reality. It can be because of a family emergency, an inevitable move of your spouse’s company, or any valid reason. Whatever it is, you have got to try and make an effort to make your relationships thrive and survive.

Below are some tips that we have gathered from various marriage therapists on how to navigate a long-distance marriage and make it last.

 

  • Take Advantage Of Technology. There are times when you need to step back from social media and smartphones, especially when you’ve had too much of it for a day, but for long-distance couples, you can use it to your advantage. Skype and Face Time are free mobile apps that you can always use during your free time. Schedule your talks when you’re done with work, or when you’re at home cooking dinner so the kids can join in the conversation. When you miss each other while working, maybe you can slip your phone and send a sweet message with love emoticons that will assure your partner of your love for him. Stay connected, so you’ll never feel as though you’re miles away.

 

  • Post Photos Of You And Your Spouse. If you’re living in a remote area for work reasons, clip some great photos of you and your spouse in the edge of your mirror, or put them in an album and display them by your bedside table. Don’t let the cliché ‘out of sight, out of mind’ beat you. Though it takes more than photos to strengthen your marriage, it does help in reminding you that someone’s waiting for you and trusting that you are keeping the love alive.
  • Play The Role Of Couples Living Together. Talk about pretending that you lived together so that when you are in your corresponding places, it won’t seem like you’re very far from each other. The distance will create different lives for you, and if you allow it to destroy your marriage, it probably can. This task is simple, and if you are ready to do anything for the marriage, this you can do.

 

  • Do Not Assume. Don’t make any assumptions just from your spouse’s tone of voice, emails, or text messages. A lot of these are easily mistaken, depending on the way you read them. For instance, you’re trying to call, but he’s not answering. He might be in a meeting, and suddenly you receive this automatic message that says, “I can’t talk right now.” Don’t overreact and think that he’s rejecting you or he’s not interested. Wait for him to call you or ask him when you do your usual video calls. You mustn’t get your insecurities in the way of your relationship. Agree that both of you will mend misunderstandings not through texts but through video conversations where things are clearer.
  • Make A Commitment To End The Distance. Work and family are important, and partners must try their best to understand that as much as they can. But in the end, there must be an expiration date to the long-distance contract. Although you think you can do it, it isn’t right to be away from each other forever. Do what you can. Save up while you’re away for your future. Finally, live together as a family because you ought to.

 

 

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