(Instead of Thinking about your Ex)

After a break up, you’ll experience all sorts of emotions and feelings. You will be shocked at first and will be processing the idea of you and him being over. It’s possible that you’ll attempt to text or call him to talk about reconciliation, but then you will remind yourself not to get desperate. Moreover, you will remember what he has done to you. And then, you break. You cry and shout at the top of your lungs. It’s crazy, really. Ending a relationship is just like experiencing death. The person who “lost” his or her loved one will “grieve”.

If you don’t enjoy looking into a mirror and seeing “A Cheat”, don’t put yourself in the position of looking into a sweetheart’s eyes and seeing “A Cheat” reflected. — Isadora Alman MFT, CST

These “episodes” will get better each day until you reach that point called “moved on”. But the process of moving on is tricky. And yet, you can find ways in occupying yourself productively so that you won’t get stuck on thinking about your ex.

Random women were asked how they survived the “grieving stage” and you may learn from their experiences:

Monica, 31 from New York said: I wrote a story on Episode. It’s an app that lets you write your own story while you create characters and their movements. It’s so much fun! Of course, my Episode story was based on my own love life. To date, it has 80,000 plus reads already and I’ve had so many fan mails of support and encouragement.

Nikki, 22 from Maryland said: I joined a local book club. The book club idea was shared to me by an online friend in another country who also went through a tough break up. I really loved to read, but when I met him, I had to put it on hold. At least now, I am reading for the love of it while looking forward to our bi-monthly book club meetings.

Erykah, 28 from Washington DC said: Would you believe if I told you that I enrolled in Adult Beginner’s Ballet? I love watching these “swans” grace the stage with their poised and yet, powerful movements. So, even if I’m not a Prima Ballerina and all, I made a choice and joined the program. Dancing just makes me feel good about myself. Right now, I’m in Beginner Ballet II and I’m looking forward to Intermediate Ballet.

Most onlookers would say it’s obvious that this is not the way to build trust or start a healthy relationship. — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.

Bel, 40 from New Jersey said: A week after he left me, I threw away my tequila bottle and Marlboro’s. I went to a karaoke club and sang all night long. It was more like singing and crying, then, singing again while tears are flowing and was being comforted by the waitress. But it was a blessing in disguise – a middle school mate of mine saw me there and gave me her card. She has a small recording studio and told me if I wanted to make covers of songs – she’d help me out. It motivated me to practice my singing voice every day and now, I work as a part-time singer in a jazz bar. I love it! Thank you for breaking up with me, fool!

Shaila, 54 from Pennsylvania said: My husband of 35 years left me for a 20-something “child”. Our grandchildren hated the fact that their Pops has a “girlfriend” who is younger than them. Actually, they are so angry at him for trading our 35 years with a “fling” – as they call it. They’ve built a wall with their Pops and I saw the need to tear it down. I took a Marriage and Family Therapy degree and became a therapist. It helped me heal and I was also able to comfort my grandchildren. Not only that – it feels so good to be able to assist others with their marriage and family issues.

Given the high rates of marital infidelity, perhaps our society needs to be more open and honest about desire. — Linda Esposito LCSW

These are very specific and truly personal ways to move on from your break up. It can be your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or spouse. The pain is just the same. But life is like that and the only way to grow is to carry on and make yourself happy.

(note: Shaila’s husband returned to her and they are back together. Nikki forgave his boyfriend and they are working it out, at the moment. Monica also decided to give her marriage another shot.)