Is it possible to have a great life after discovering your husband’s betrayal?
I don’t expect other women to follow what I did. I won’t even suggest how I handled my experience to other betrayed wives. No, I won’t. But I will tell my story in the hopes that others will learn a valuable lesson out of it. I also want them to make their firm decision – to stay or to go.
If you’re like me, you may feel utter shock and maybe even a bit of disdain about the idea, but once I investigated, it actually made good sense. — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.
Yes, my husband was wayward. He cheated on me and it was right under my nose for years. I didn’t even see it. What’s more, he fathered a child with his other woman. But where are we right now? We are in a better place and each day that passes, life is more meaningful. We’re still together – full of love, commitment, devotion and respect.
I caught him and he unburdened his infidelity to me.
It was 11 years ago when my husband admitted that he got our secretary pregnant. This secretary worked for me, but was in his place of business years before that. I managed a beauty salon owned by his mother and the other woman was my “most trusted” employee at that time. That woman was very particular with money and now, I understood why. I realized that she wanted to have my life and become “me”. She even asked my husband to transfer and work for me. See how arrogant she has become? She was only a mistress!
Anyway, when the skeletons were unveiled, I couldn’t breathe. I had panic attacks and nobody could comfort me. For days, I wouldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. How could I? I was 5 months pregnant with our third child and the other woman just gave birth. Yes, you could say my husband was a total jerk back then. I agree 1,000,000 times. Placing his mistress as my secretary? Cliché, right? But it happened. It really did. Real life and not just the movies.
When this happens, a recovering couple can find themselves completely polarized, where there is not necessarily contention or hostility, but there is now a division between the twosome. And that, never feels good. — Karen Kleiman MSW, LCSW
I couldn’t believe it when I discovered his philandering.
I had to face it alone. My mother and siblings lived in the States. My grandparents and aunts were 4 hours away from me. My father was hundreds of miles away, as well. I was 25 years old, have two beautiful daughters aged 8 and 5. How can I get out of this mess?
My first reaction was to file for a divorce. I wanted to end it with him. How could he!? I gave up my life for him. I became a housewife and left my family just so I could live with him in his hometown. But I wasn’t enough. He strayed. And with that, in my mind, he had to live with the consequences. After I gave birth, I left him and brought all the kids with me.
At first, it was ok and we sort of got back together. We really didn’t establish any rules about the whole situation and I haven’t fully forgiven him. I would always throw back his deed to him every chance I got. And so, it was ugly again. After a few years of hurting each other back and forth, I left him and filed for divorce.
Standing up for myself and filing for divorce shook my cheating husband.
When he received the divorce papers, he said, it was a wake-up call for him. For months, he searched for me. I went from one city to another and was literally hiding from him. I was that angry. But my grandmother, who brought me up, called me. She told me that in her fifty years of marriage, there was a time when she was like me – all torn up and betrayed. I couldn’t believe my ears when she told me that my sweet and loving grandpa was once a wayward husband. I was silent for a while and she asked me this question – “Do you love him?”. I said, I don’t know. She told me that my husband went to her and my grandpa, asking for help. He promised them that he would repair our marriage, fix his act and leave the other woman for good.
If, in your search for answers about your marriage, you have hopes that you are truly speaking to an objective third party, someone whose advice comes without motives, biases, prejudice or blinders, think again. — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW
I was shocked at what he did. It was brave of him to show his face to my grandparents after everything. But my grandpa, God rest his soul, saw the sincerity in my husband’s heart and he commanded me – “Fix this.”
And so, we fixed our marriage.
My choice was to get back together because my grandparents pushed me to make it work for the last time. And I truly love my husband. There, I said it. That was seven years ago and while it’s not perfect, it’s been a great ride all the way. I never regretted my decision. My husband did what he promised – he dumped her, he was always accountable for his time, he made sure I was satisfied in all aspects and he did all he could to earn back my trust. We were also into marriage counseling and family therapy with the kids, as well.
I could say our life is better now after what we’ve been through. The whole thing made my husband a better person and it drove me to become a strong individual. I also learned to be independent and to have my own income – not coming from him or his family. While I know I’m attractive, having babies made my body a bit overweight and so, I tried to lose some pounds. Now, I’m just happy with myself and I don’t think about the past in an angry or vengeful way.
Save the marriage if it deserves saving.
My point is – if there is something to salvage in your marriage and if it is worth reviving, then, save it. If there is love and the wayward husband can abide by the rules, the marriage can be repaired. It is not easy to fix a strained relationship, but it can be done. If the husband and the wife will make that effort, life will be better. I know. I’ve been there. I’m a living proof.
A personal interview with a betrayed wife who wants to remain anonymous.