If your relationship has hit a rocky patch, confronting the issues now could transform your marriage — and save it from destruction in the future. — April Eldemire LMFT
Imagine being with the person that you love for several decades. You think that everything will be as smooth as before. But when it comes to settling down after working 8 hours every day, five days a week, you and your other half have different retirement plans. Would you compromise with your own plans to accommodate his? Or would you hold your ground and just do what you want?
Almost everyone says that being married is all about compromising. You are together because you love each other and you are similar in a way. After being together for so many years, you probably already memorized all their routines, habits, and favorites. Most likely, you can also finish each other’s sentences. But how come both of you disagree with your retirement plans together?
There are several factors that may have affected the disagreement. Make sure to consider these before deciding on further actions. You don’t want to end your relationship just because you have different retirement plans.
Purpose in Life
Despite being husband and wife, as separate individuals, you don’t have the same dreams and purpose in life. Yes, you share a life together. But, it doesn’t obligate you to have the same dream and the same purpose in life. Your husband probably has this dream that he’s been dying to achieve since he was a kid. You might have this passion that you want to pursue after being in the corporate world for so long. Having differences is normal. Therefore, different retirement plans should not cause a turmoil in your relationship. Instead, you can support one another in achieving these plans.
You may or may not be familiar or comfortable with a therapeutic relationship and are not convinced it can really help at this point. — Karen Kleiman MSW, LCSW
Losing One’s Identity
Another factor that may influence the differences in retirement plans is the need to find one’s identity. After being known as ‘the married couple,’ friends and family may know you as the husband or wife of one another. Hardly, you are distinguished as you. In addition to that, after working for most of your life, you probably didn’t have the time to nurture your passions and express yourself beyond work. Hence, the need to establish one’s own identity is heightened.
The bottom line of all this discussion is that you don’t have to part ways just because of different retirement plans. It happens. I would have guessed that after all these years, both of you already had differences in opinions. Different retirement plans are the same with all those differences. You just have to work things out like usually do.
You are the expert on yourself. No one else, not even your partner, can read your mind and know what you need (emphasis added) in the way of support, intimate contact, time alone, domestic order, independence, sex, love, financial security, and so on. — Catherine Aponte Psy.D.
If you both are really struggling to get into an agreement when it comes to retirement plans, you may want to seek help from professional counselors or psychologist. You can start reaching out for one online.