If you ever feel remorseful for thinking that your kids are causing marriage problems, well, don’t be guilty. Sometimes it is the case. A child’s disposition and the behavioral condition can throw things off.
That’s something in your life that you should be open about and probably accept. Defiance has become a trademark quality of kids these days. Somehow we feel like we have to live with it and just let other “things” adjust.
“Things” Like Your Marriage
Relationships and kids are two massive things to juggle, but for superwomen like “US,” it’s doable. Jeffrey Bernstein told us valuable secrets in his book titled “10 Days To A Less Defiant Child.” By following specific rules and transcending some of your emotions, you can get the best behavior out of your kids.
With that, your relationship with your husband and your marriage will be stronger. You’re on for a happier life.
When Wives Become Naggers
But at times, being a goody-two-shoes wife and mother is overwhelming. When kids are rebellious and misbehaving, the mother is often left all alone to manage the situations. It is important to note that husbands must also participate in childcare and rearing.
It doesn’t mean that because the mother is the primary carer, she is to be left to tend to your children by herself, ALL THE TIME. You are their dad. It is imperative that you help out with the control and disciplining of your children.
It is one reason why the moms often switch to their “nagger” mode. They need help. We, the moms, need help from the dads. Your marriage will be much better if you, the fathers of our children, will be “there” to provide additional support.
Acknowledge Your Spouse When Necessary
Who doesn’t want appreciation especially from your spouse, right? To the outside world, recognition may come in small packages but in relationships, acknowledging good things that your spouse has done must be a habit. For example:
Your husband watched your 3-year-old for 30 minutes so that you can clean up the mess she made in the kitchen. It was your husband’s time to watch his football game, but he took your daughter and gave her a bottle of milk to calm down. She needed changing, but he didn’t notice that and continued watching the game while the little girl was on his lap.
How do you proceed with that?
You: Thanks for helping out, honey. It means a lot to me that you’re holding her while I clean her mess.
And stop right there. Control your tongue. No more talking. The less you say, the better. But if you must, you can tell it like this:
You: Thanks for helping out, honey. It means a lot to me that you’re holding her while I clean her mess. Oh, I think she needs changing. Can you help me out with that?
If he says, NO, you can do this:
You: Oh, ok. I can change her, but will you help me with the kitchen? Please? I would rub your feet later if you help me out with this.
One way or another, he will have to move and help you out. But you have to ask nicely and without the quizzical look and tone.
I know, it’s hard!!! But you have to do this to maintain your sanity, and the peace within your home. Think of this as putting deposits in your marriage bank accounts. For it to grow, you would need to feed it.
Your goal here is teamwork and support. Never forget that parenting is hard and that no matter what you do, things may or may not work, and for that, you would need to lift each other up. You’ll be surprised how simple declarations like “I’m on your team” or “I can see that you’re frustrated, let’s talk” can go such a long way.
I am not fond of writing long blogs since I don’t want people to get bored while reading it. And so I decided to publish another post shortly after this one to conclude the topic of interconnecting your kid’s behavior and marriage.
For now, I leave you with these thoughts, possible scenarios, and practical solutions that may save your marriage amidst the kids (and you both) ruining it unconsciously.