Just when you thought you were in the clear, another fight, breach of trust, or crisis occurs making it harder to ignore the pull to leave. — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.
Insecurity is something we all go through at some point in our lives. Some people may feel more insecure than others. At times, an insecure partner can damage the relationship because they can become too controlling. They are constantly telling you where you can and cannot go, who you can and cannot talk to, and they want to know every single thing that you do. This can be very draining and it can have a negative impact on your marriage.
Signs of an Insecure Partner:
- When you don’t respond to their texts or answer your phone, they get worried and then make an issue of it thereafter.
- They constantly ask you where you’ve been and who you were with at the time.
- They constantly seek reassurance about your love for them.
- They cannot handle constructive criticism (even out of love.)
- They fear that you might leave them.
- They worry that you might cheat on them.
- They ask a lot of questions about your exes and your past love life.
- They don’t attend social gatherings and outings without you.
- They get jealous for (over) the smallest things.
A Few Reasons Why Your Partner is Insecure:
- They have had some past issues. It could have even occurred during their childhood days, or they could have suffered from some trauma.
- The most obvious reason – they have been cheated on. If you haven’t cheated on them, it could have happened in one of their past relationships or marriages.
- They have a fear of abandonment.
- When men feel insecure, it’s usually because it’s easier for a woman to go out and get a one night stand. A man has to do some chasing and may not even get a woman to bed, whereas with a woman, it’s much easier.
This usually means individual or group therapy where the offending spouse can feel safe to share what contributed to the betrayal (social, financial, relational stressors) and how they justified the behaviors (e.g. “my partner isn’t interested in sex”). — Carrie Askin LCSW
How to Handle an Insecure Partner:
Like other marital issues, insecurities in a marriage also need work. Don’t lose hope, your partner can change for the better. Here are a few tips about how you can deal with an insecure partner.
Monitor and Examine Your Behavior:
We are not blaming you for your partner’s insecurity, but we do suggest that you take some time to examine your own behavior so that you can determine what exactly makes your partner feel insecure. Do you flirt with other people? Do you intentionally make him or her feel jealous? Do you have tons of friends on social media? Take a close look at all these factors and if you do these things, then it’s time to put an end to it.
Ask Them to Share Their Feelings with You:
Sit your partner down and ask them to share their feelings with you. Ask them what makes them feel insecure and make it clear that you’re willing to listen to them and work through it together. Not only will this be helpful for you, but it’ll also make your partner feel comfortable with talking to you and it could bring you closer.
Give Them Compliments:
By this way, you are subtly reassuring them and it could help them with letting go of their insecurities. It could even be a simple compliment such as ‘you are looking great today,’ ‘nice shirt,’ etc.
Allow Them to Have Some Fun:
Suggest that they go out and hang out with their friends, or suggest that they do something that they enjoy. Whatever their hobby is, suggest that they do it. They can take up something new, like gym class or any other fun activity. This will also make them feel good about themselves.
Do Not Become Like Your Partner:
Don’t become insecure like your partner and question them about everything that they do. This will lead to bigger problems. You have to be the stronger partner in this case and help your loved one overcome their insecurities.