How to Have a Successful Marriage After Having Kids

 

 

It’s no doubt that after having kids, it leaves both parents tired, drained and even frustrated, especially moms. It’s even worse when you have two kids or more. Kids do have a wear and tear effect on marriage. It can also be quite an adjustment for some people to transition from the liberating couplehood life to what they are accustomed to now having a family that needs you 24/7.

All people have positive and negative qualities. — Carrie Askin LCSW

The key to having a successful marriage after kids is not to give up and to stick by your partner’s side while raising your kids. Parenting is a glorious experience when both mother and father play a role in it. Cherish your little ones while they’re young because they won’t stay kids forever.

Here’s some tips that can help you with having a happy marriage and raising your kids to the fullest at the same time:

Set Routines for Your Kids        

Have a set bedtime, meal time, homework time etc. It is important to have your kids settled in a routine. They will become so used to it, and this will also help you and your partner. This will make your life a whole lot easier.

Must Read for Dads

Help your wives out wherever you can. Whether it’s some household chores, helping your child with homework or giving the baby a bath. Whatever you can help with, your wife will really appreciate it. It will relieve her and by doing this, she will also have more time for you.

Remember, taking care of the kids and looking after the household is worse than a full-time job and it’s difficult for her to cope, especially if she also works. You also have a role to play at home and the kids are yours, too, so help her out with it and take part in the duties of your household.

An important part of the interactions between you and your spouse is the way in which you communicate thoughts, ideas, and feelings primarily through verbal communication. — Catherine Aponte Psy.D.

Plan a Date for Just You and Your Partner

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a little break away from your kids to have some husband and wife time. In fact, this will help you with strengthening your marriage and not to mention having some peace and quiet for a little while! Ask family members if they would take care of your kids for the day or hire a reliable nanny. Then plan a date with your partner, whatever you used to enjoy before you had kids. You can also make this a monthly or bi-weekly thing.

Plan Family Activities

This can be games that are played at home or you can go out for family fun activities. Considering fishing, camping or having a picnic at the park and playing with the kids. This will allow you and your family to bond. It will make your kids happy and your partner too.

Exchange Flirty and Sexy Emails or Messages During the Day

This will make you feel great about yourself and your partner will definitely look forward to coming home to you. It will also keep the spark alive in your marriage and will make you feel like a newlywed couple.

Be Patient with Each Other

Patience is another key to having a strong and healthy marriage. Overlook the small bad habits that your partner has. Remember nobody is perfect, not even you. Getting tired and sloppy is also humanly. So, be patient with your partner when this happens to them.

Have Sex

There’s no rule in the book that you must have sex every night without fail. In fact, having sex every night is probably impossible with kids and careers. By having sex even 2-3 times a week doesn’t mean your marriage is failing. Having sex twice a week is fine. When you and your partner stop having sex, then you should start worrying and working on your marriage.

I wish I had a dollar for each time someone in my practice said, “I wasn’t in the mood when I started making love but once we got into it, I really enjoyed myself. It felt great.” — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW

Finding A Balance Between Career and Marriage

                   

Around 50 years back, it was normal for the husband to have a career and provide for the family, whilst the women stayed back home and took care of the kids and the household duties. In today’s times, its normal for both husband and wife to have a flourishing career. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman being financially independent and successful. However, it has become a common issue with married couples who spend most of their time focusing on their careers, which leads to problems in the marriage.

It starts with a gnawing in your gut that your marriage is not what it was, what you thought it would be or hoped it could be. — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.

Both husband and wife work long hours and spend little to no time with each other. This leads to frustration and some couples even end up getting a divorce. This is devastating! Finding a balance between career and marriage is possible. If you neglect your partner and even your family members due to your career, it’s inevitable that you will regret it later on life. So, before this happens, here’s some tips that you can help with finding the balance between marriage and your career:

Set Aside Time for Your Partner

Allocate some time for your partner. Set aside a day that suits both you and your partner. Plan your work schedule out accordingly and your work hours. Try and spend an entire day with your partner or family and try and make this a weekly routine.

Plan Some Fun Activities

After you’ve allocated the time for your partner; plan some fun activities for you and your partner to do. Something which you both enjoy. It can be shopping, going for a picnic, going out for dinner, or even sitting at home, watching movies and cooking together. Whatever, it is that you both enjoy doing together.

Only a small percentage of solely romance-based unions pass the test of time. — Stan Tatkin Psy.D.

Set Your Work Goals

When setting your work goals and hours, be reasonable. Don’t overexert yourself. Set realistic goals. Ones which don’t leave you burned out or leave you with no family time and time for yourself.

Cut Your Living Costs

Try and cut out unnecessary expenses. Usually, the more expenses you have, the more both partners have to work to cover up these expenses. Wherever its possible, try and cut it out. Set a budget for your expenses and stick to it. Also, avoid getting yourself into debt, this will make your life, marriage and work life less stressful.

 Respect Each Other’s Careers

Respect is most definitely the foundation for a healthy marriage. As a matter of fact, any relationship requires respect. Likewise, you and your partner need to respect one another’s careers. After all, it’s something that’s an important part of both your lives and more importantly, is what helps you pay the bills. By respecting each other’s careers, it will also strengthen your relationship.

Set Boundaries with Your Career

By this, I mean don’t take any phone calls from work while you are spending time with your partner and avoid discussing business during this time. It’s all right for you and partner to talk about how your day went and your successes in your career. However, it shouldn’t be the only thing that you discuss.

Of the kinds of parenting dilemmas I see in my office, parent burnout is among the most common and unrecognized. Remarkably, most parents don’t even realize they’re suffering from it. — Sean Grover L.C.S.W.

Plan A Vacation Together

Plan your work schedules and plan to take your leave at the same time. Try and take at least a week off from work and plan a nice vacation. Even better, if you could save up some money to go on a trip overseas. This will help you de-stress and also give you a break from work. Moreover, it’s time to work on your marriage and enjoy some quality time with your loved one and make memories that you both can cherish for the rest of your life.…

How To Become The Best Partner In Marriage

Source:slrlounge.com

It’s true that nature provides us with a jet-fueled libido at the beginning of a relationship, but that does not guarantee a long-lasting, happy relationship. — Stan Tatkin Psy.D.

When we decide to commit, spend the rest of our lives and marry somebody, we envision a fire of romance without the glimpse of it fading away. As a husband or a wife, how do we keep on falling in love with the same person every day? How do we become the best “part” of being partners? Is it really possible to have the same gravity of falling in love from the first day you set eyes upon each other until you are old and gray? Here are some of the tips that stood the tests of time which can make it work as if every day is your honeymoon stage.…

Dealing with Depression As A Couple

Source: postpartumstress.com

When partners put their relationship first and view it as the goose that will lay the golden egg, so to speak, they tend to guard it as if their lives depended on it. — Stan Tatkin Psy.D.

Hugh and Claire were married for six years now and life has been good for them until Claire was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 1 that puts their relationship to a test.

“It was really hard for me. I lost my sense of perception and focus in life. I neglected my obligations and duties as a wife and mother to our two kids. I can’t believe that this would happen to my family.”

Hugh recounted that Claire was already showing signs of depression after the diagnosis. “It’s already hard to accept that she is having breast cancer. But it is harder to see her getting caught up by her depression every day.”…