“I didn’t know that my bubbly, fun-loving, and larger-than-life wife would ever have an anxiety disorder. She was a positive person, in her old life, before the “incident” happened to her. She was mugged right outside our home one night almost two years ago, and the animal also stabbed her in the belly. My wife was carrying our 4-month-old baby inside her at that time and lost him. I was too selfish to believe that she’d be fine just because she told me not to worry about her.”…
Marriage isn’t a one-way express ticket to a happily ever after. It is a road that is continuously in construction. New paths are created, but there will always be bumps up ahead. Sometimes you’re left facing with a dead-end and with no way of knowing where to go or what to do.
In relationships, conflicts are inevitable. However, when not adequately dealt with, it can cause a lot of stress on the marriage, to the point that you bite the bullet and try counseling platforms (e.g., BetterHelp). Challenging and stressful issues will arise, and it is essential to know the causes behind it and how it affects a marriage.
Causes Of Stress In A Marriage
Most wives worry about financial support. Under difficult economic circumstances, couples can easily break down under pressure. Paying for bills, putting food on the table, childbearing and rearing, and even education; everything involves money. Issues like these can easily spark “bad blood” between partners.
Lack of communication
A relationship is built on trust and connection. Without communication, misunderstandings and arguments can arise. The way a couple sees each other may also change negatively and increase the chances of separation and divorce. It becomes more difficult for a couple to see problems clearly and they are blinded on how to resolve it.
Having children is a gift, but it can also add stress to the marriage. Having kids means changing lifestyles, routines, and even habits and behaviors. Miscarriage or death of a child is also a traumatic event. Moreover, if you have children, there is always the need to be sensitive, considerate, and understanding at all times, which can be very mentally taxing.
Work demands a lot, whether it’s part-time or full-time. Pressure may come from not being able to spend precious time with family or being irritable at the end of a hard day’s work. It takes a toll on one’s emotional and physical health.
There have been instances where one wakes up and realizes their partner beside them is too different. When you’re married, you understand things and learn more about who your partner is as a human. Being married comes with a lot of changes, which may seem like a whiplash of reality for some couples when they see that their partner isn’t who they thought they were.
Impact Of Stress On Your Marriage
First of all, conflicts will arise. Irritation that comes with stress is often taken out on other people. In relationships, arguments happen because of a slight change in tone or words said out of frustration. The intimacy between the couple can also weaken.
Couples may often grow sick of each other’s presence or adapt the mindset of “we’re only in the same space.” The worst effect of chronic stress in a marriage can be separation or divorce. The lack of communication increases conflict, and negativity can influence or push the couple to seek a divorce. It’s imperative for the couple to be able to see problems clearly and solve them together, but with stress plaguing both, it is a long shot.
Don’t Let it Wait
If you think that you and your partner are under stress or feeling the pressure, it’s essential to reach out to others. Marriage or relationship counseling is an excellent way to find alternative measures to deal with the stress. A couple is supposed to be a team, and it’s essential to go through hurdles together while they walk hand-in-hand every step of the way.…
Sex plays a huge role in an intimate relationship. It is a human’s way of expressing their intimate emotions to their respective partners. However, there comes a point in most couple’s lives wherein the intimacy spell fades out, leaving the relationship utterly sexless. This issue, of course, affects not just the physical contact between the couple but their relationship as well.
“Having a sexless marriage can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.” — Lisa Thomas LMFT
How Does Lack Of Intimacy Affect Both Partners?
For men, intimacy issue is a big problem. It can lead to heightened frustration, anxiety and even trigger insecurities. It can put considerable damage in their self-perception. Between a man and a woman, the man is more sexual. Thus, this is a big issue for them.
For women, intimacy problem is also a dilemma. But the impact is not as profound as that of men. Women can divert their sexual urges to simple emotional connections with their partners and be contented with it.
Can A Sexless Marriage Survive?
Every married couple is unique. There is a significant number of marriages that have overcome sexless relationships and remain married to each other. They are still together due to culture, duty, religion, and obligation. In some cultures, they believe that marriage is more than just sex and that is why they choose to be together than be overwhelmed with physical problems.
How Does One Cope In A Marriage Without Sex?
Intimacy drops and rises. There will come to a point in one’s life wherein sex life becomes a chore and later on becomes stagnant. But there’s always hope in every situation. People have different ways of coping with this type of situation.
“Couples in sexless marriages offer the Anti-Magi gift; they figure out what the other most desires and withhold it.” — Laurie J Watson LMFT, LPC
Tips To Fix A Sexless Marriage
Just like any other issue, sexless marriage can be fixed. However, effort should be exerted in both parties. Below are some tips to rekindle back the fire into your sex life:
- Determine the factor that gets you and your partner into that situation.
- Have an open conversation with your partner.
- Don’t play the blame game. Instead, ascertain what you have contributed to the issue.
- Control your temper.
- Make a goal that you and your partner will fix the intimacy problem.
- Start with the primary physical contacts like holding of hands, etc.
- Tell your partner how you miss him whenever you are apart from each other.
- Do things together – talk, be in each other’s arms while watching a movie, etc.
- Make yourself attractive to your partner. Get fit and maintain a healthy physique.
- Do not complain too much, nag, or be too clingy.
- Share your fantasies with your partner, whether they are sexual or not.
- Leave old issues, bitterness, resentments, and unpleasant memories behind. Treat your partner with love, affection, and kindness.
- Forgive your partner for his shortcomings.
- Make an effort in serving your partner.
- Be adventurous, experiment some sex games.
- In every success, celebrate.
- Have time to get involved in marriage or couple retreats.
- Spend holidays and weekends with lots of memories and fun things to do.
- Recall the times when you both were so into each other. Bring that passion back to present times.
If you need more guidance or if you feel that nothing works, seek professional help. Intimacy problems can be resolved. However, it requires the two of you to be involved. Be optimistic and work hand-in-hand with your partner. These problems can be resolved if there is love.
“Physical intimacy cannot be resolved without emotional intimacy, so take the courageous step and voice your concerns either to your spouse or a trained professional.” — Sam Louie MA, LMHC
It’s the little things that you do which keeps me wondering – do you still love me?
He asked me if he can sleep in the guest room because the baby was keeping him up all night and he had to work early every morning. That was three years ago, but until now even if the baby is a toddler and doesn’t make a sound at night, he still sleeps in a different bed when he’s here.
I said “when he’s here” because as of two years ago, he went back to his hometown for work. As if the distance between us was not enough for him, he had to move 500 miles away from me. We only see each other every other weekend, and every day I had to text or call him first so that we can talk.
It was excruciating for me that he was there in the guest room. I know he wanted his rest, but I wanted to rest too. And I needed his presence while taking care of a newborn at 43 years old. Was it too much to ask? He even made a life decision without my say. My husband wanted to work in his hometown, and I was forced to accept that fact. I did it without raising my voice because that’s what he wanted – “I’m going back to New York. I have an offer there. We’ll just set up our schedule.” What else can I say but “okay?”
The pain of him “working far away” was unbearable. It was crushing my being, and I felt like he was leaving me for good. But what can I do? He wanted to work there and as his wife, I had to be supportive.
On the reverse, shouldn’t he be supportive of me too? Why is it that I always had to give and accept? What about me? What about what I want and need from him?
Am I overreacting? Is this a little bit dramatic? Am I a drama queen? Is it too bad to desire for your husband’s attention, care, and love? For so long, I didn’t feel that. I remember back then – I would cry during our intimate act because of how much I love him. My whole body trembled because of happiness and pure bliss. Now, after 5 minutes of quickened activity, he would rise after he kisses my forehead. Where is our intimacy these days, huh?
What is going on? Something is happening here that I don’t like. I don’t like it at all. It’s not what I expected, and this is not what I want. Do I even matter? My heart tells me to scream, shout, and get angry at this whole messed up situation. Isn’t it my right to tell him how I feel? What will he say about it? I guess it’s time to find out.
“You’ve been ignoring me lately, and I don’t get to see you as often as I want to, you know. Can we make an effort and do something about it?”
“What are you saying now? You’re not making any sense. What effort? Am I not feeding you and the kids? Are you saying I lack in the provision department? Don’t I give you what you need every day? Three meals and some?”
And so, I know now. I wished my husband would have reacted differently, but he saw me like that – a provision – his burden of 3 meals and some.
How do I proceed now? Tell me. I can’t think straight, and frankly, my numbness is sinking in.…