You Can’t Save Your Spouse Who Don’t Want Saving – My Therapist Opened My Eyes

“I have come to believe that the real culprit in marriage isn’t the particular problems people bring to therapists, it’s when one or both spouses become hopeless. Hopelessness is the real cancer in marriage.” — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW

I am fully aware that this site is all about saving your marriage. Don’t get me wrong here. I am all for that. If there is a person in this world that would keep her marriage over and over and over again, well, that’s me. I have tried to save what is left of my abusive marriage, and after 20 years, I think I have done enough saving. People who are abusive to their spouses cannot be saved. That’s what my therapist told me. I cannot save him, and with that, I also cannot save our marriage.…

How To Prevent Your Husband From Ever Cheating On You

“Though some may have a slightly different definition of what qualifies as infidelity, most people seem to believe that it involves sexual or physical betrayal.” — Seth Meyers Psy.D.

A cheating incident – or five – throughout the marriage is typically enough for an emotionally tired wife to turn to a psychologist and ask, “Why is this happening to me?”

From what we have heard, there are a few common reasons that can explain why there are a lot of married men who risk the fate of their family and start an illicit affair with someone else. One of them is that the guy may have been influenced by his friends to date another woman behind his wife’s back. Others start to cheat after a drinking incident that has led them to sleep with a female friend or stranger, and then they have somehow kept on doing it. In some cases, the man may be subconsciously addicted to sex; that’s why he cannot stop himself from jumping into someone else’s bed.

None of these reasons sound justifiable enough to forgive a cheater – that is true – especially if it has happened on more than one occasion. Nevertheless, considering you have never been in that situation – and you don’t ever want to be – here are some ideas that every wife should remember to prevent your husband from ever cheating on you.

1. Always Check If You Are Still On The Same Page

The first thing that you should be able to do is to confirm from time to time that your goals and beliefs in life are still similar to one another. If not, then you should at least know what has changed in theirs, and vice versa.

 

It matters to check such aspects regardless of how long you have been together because married couples tend to drift apart when they do not talk about their long-term objectives in front of each other. One may assume that the other has lost interest; that’s why the former might start looking for love elsewhere. If you don’t wish for that to occur, you should make a point of discussing everything that happens in your lives as often as possible.

2. Look After Yourself

As harsh as it may sound, your husband may lose his affection towards you if he notices that you no longer care for your appearance. For instance, you forget to shower your hair for days or sleep in a shirt that your kid has puked on in the morning. Or, after giving birth, you may have sworn off going to the gym to look after the children, but then you stop watching your diet too and end up being as heavy as a whale.

“Some marriages can only be saved with one hundred Zen things; others cannot be saved at all. With this said, a lot of marriages can be saved with a few, relatively minor changes.” — Andrea F. Polard Psy.D.

You may argue that love is blind and that you have promised to stick with one another forever, but the reality is quite different from that. Physical attraction is essential for any couple. In case you let go of yourself like that and presume that your spouse will always be faithful to you no matter how you look, you are practically giving him an excuse to find a more attractive woman. Thus, to avoid that, you should look after yourself all the time.

3. Make Your Husband Feel Special

A married friend came to our house one day because she did not know who else to turn to. Asking what the matter was, she said that her husband was having an affair with his coworker and planning to divorce her. The longer our conversation went on, though, the more I realized that the problem was her. She would act like a princess at home, order the guy to do all the chores, and stop him from even visiting his parents – everything that could suffocate any sane individual, practically speaking.

There’s no way to save that friend’s marriage, but you can prevent such an unfortunate situation by treating your spouse correctly. Instead of making him work alone in the house, split the load equally. When he returns after a hard day at work, make sure that there’s a hot meal waiting for him on the dining table. Do not deprive your husband of sex either and perhaps even initiate it sometimes. If you go out of your way to make him feel loved, he won’t exactly have time to think of other women.

“Even when the couples were monogamous the sharing of fantasies about other people or of escapades from before these two met could make for not only stimulating pillow talk but a sense of enhanced closeness: “See how much I love and trust you.  I prove it by my complete honesty.”” — Isadora Alman MFT, CST

Final Thoughts

The only way to keep your husband from cheating is by giving him no reason to do that. Follow the tips mentioned above, and you will increase the likelihood of staying in a monogamous relationship until death makes you part.

Cheers!…

Moments You Should Never Forget After Your Wedding

How many couples do you think come to a therapist’s office every day to try to save their marriage before the relationship becomes irreparable? Similarly, how many married individuals volunteer to get an appointment with a counselor to work on themselves and (hopefully) fix the home that their issues ruined?

It is a little hard to identify the exact number across the globe – and not everyone can openly admit to seeking marriage counseling anyway. However, what we should concern ourselves with more is the fact that couples these days need outside help to repair their relationship, which may have been shaken by cheating, anger management problems, jealousy, et cetera. That is something that our ancestors might laugh at if you suggest it to them during an argument. Issues that occur between family members should get fixed by the family members, after all, or so they used to believe.

“Gaining clarity on what your personal needs are, what your marital needs are as well as how and where to get your needs met has a huge impact on the direction you take in your marriage.” — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.

Nevertheless, marriage therapy may not be necessary once you and your spouse think back to the moments that you have experienced together after the wedding.

Why Should You Do That?

The days leading to the actual wedding day tend to be somewhat tricky for the bride-to-be, especially if she refuses to employ the services of a coordinator. That person should have been able to help search for the possible venue, caterer, gown designer, invitation creator, and various things. The upside of making that choice, though, is that you have countless memories of the activities you have done as a couple to bring your dream wedding to fruition.

The rewarding feeling that may engulf both of you once the priest or marriage officiant offers their final blessings and you look at all the well-wishers’ faces is something that troubled couples tend to forget. They try to resolve an issue by saying who’s more at fault instead of forgiving each other and remembering why they got married in the first place. If only you two focus on the latter more, life may once again be harmonious in your household.

Other post-wedding moments you should always keep in mind include:

First Kiss

The first kiss is one of the memories that even aged couples rarely forget. Even though marriage papers need to be registered to make the union official, it is this sweet moment that’s shared by the couple at the end of the ceremony that, for lack of better words, seals the deal.

“When the law says, “You belong. You have the same rights as everyone else,” that has a profound impact on how we view ourselves and each other.” — Mark O’Connell LCSW-R

Customary Dance

There are diverse concepts that brides and grooms wish to see on their unique, yet what creates fun wedding memories is the first dance that you will have with your new spouse. While it is customary, however, the kind of dance that you are going to perform together is not limited to the slow type. Some newlyweds even like to do choreographed dances at present, while others are not afraid of popping and locking in their wedding attire. The only thing that matters is that you can imagine yourself dancing with your life partner until you grow old.

First House

With the assumption that you have lived in separate houses before the marriage, stepping in the first house where you will potentially start your family together as a Mrs. to his Mr. can be a thrilling and enjoyable experience. A lot of thoughts and emotions can race in your mind and heart whenever you look at it, especially if you are yet to fill the empty spaces with furniture and, of course, photos that will always remind you of your happy days. Thus, it is not a bad idea to revisit that place once more with your partner and think of how you can go forward together.

First Pregnancy News

Newlyweds become the happiest when they find out that they are going to have a child a few months after the wedding. The soon-to-be fathers are excited about the possibility of raising a son or a daughter; the first-time mothers feel joyful with the fact that they have a baby growing in their womb. Nonetheless, how the couple feels upon realizing that their love allowed another life to be created.

“I’m certain that if more couples realized that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, they’d be more willing to tough it out through the downpour.” — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW

Final Thoughts

Keeping the relationship intact may be challenging when terrible circumstances have already rocked your marriage. However, if you have time to quarrel or look for a therapist, you should also have time to relieve the good, old days. Who knows, you may find a happy memory that will stick and make you want to forgive and forget each other’s misgivings.

Good luck!…

Why Relationship Counseling Online Experts Recommend “What Men Secretly Want” Program

According to counseling online experts, being in a healthy and affectionate relationship can make anyone feel as if they are richer than the richest man on the planet. Every problem seems too easy to overcome. Nothing can make you feel blue as well when you know that you will come home to the man who loves you with everything he has and more.

“While there is no shortage of marital dissolutions in this country due to affairs or some other kind of wrongdoing, those that end for “no apparent reason,” really throw us. It’s as if we need there to be a reason so we can feel a sense of control over our own environment.” — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.

However, what can you do if it happens to be a far-fetched dream for you right now? What if your reality is that the man you thought wants to settle down with you forever has suddenly shown little or no interest at committing to you? The pain you must be feeling is immeasurable now. However, if you genuinely want this man in your life, you do not have to give up at once. There is still hope, my friend. It only goes by the name “What Men Secretly Want.”

What Is It?

In a nutshell, it is a guide that is supposed to help you become irresistible and more attractive to that guy you are pining for. Throughout the relationship program, you will understand how a man’s brain works, how he sees a possible coupling, and what makes some men hold back when things are about to get serious between you two. You will also be led to a brighter path in which you can identify the right words to use when talking to him and be at his wavelength. Sometimes, after all, the problem is not because you have made a mistake but because you do not see each other eye to eye.

What Do Men Want?

What most men honestly want – yet they do not often voice out – is respect. Respect over love. Respect over anything. Therefore, the program can explain everything that has to be known about The Respect Principle. You can learn about that quickly when you pick it up online in the soonest possible time. What matters is that you now have a chance of understanding your “one and only” and connecting to him more deeply, thanks to James Bauer.

Who Is James Bauer?

He is a relationship consultant, a psychology student, and yes, the author of What Men Secretly Want program. The idea to make this course came to him when some of his lady friends asked him for advice on how to practically make their budding or current relationship thrive.

James’ primary goal for writing this guide is to help as many women as he can to be one with the man that they love by giving pointers on how they can reach the guy on an emotional level.

What Can You Learn From The Relationship Program?

1. How To Respond To A Man Who Refuses To Talk

A man usually does not remain quiet for no reason at all. Knowing how you should react during such a situation will save you from doing something that will most likely cause more destruction to your bond. Similarly, you should also know the reason why your man does not listen when you use a particular tone on them.

“Furthermore, beyond the generic problems that drove spouses apart, there were crises that jeopardized the very foundation of marriages, such as infidelity.” — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW

2. What To Say So That He Will See You As A Huge Part Of His Future

Women tend to be too chatty at times, to the point of saying some things that they cannot take back. The guide can tell you the words that are never to be spoken in front of a guy you want to be with for long-term.

3. When To Offer Your Help

A few men tend to get sour when a woman tries to help them solve their problems. You can have a happier relationship when you learn the right times to offer him your assistance and when to let them be.

4. How To Understand His Emotions

This course will clarify how a guy expresses his emotions differently from women. You may learn what to do as well when a particular emotion feeling appears.

5. How To Become A Great Girlfriend Or Spouse

Men find women more desirable when their confidence leaves an impression on them. Absorb the best way to shift and reshape the way you think so that you can relate to your man’s emotions better.

“Life is short and having a bond with your mate can help with happiness, longevity and health.” — Lisa Thomas LMFT

Final Thoughts

Seeking a man is easy, but making him remain by your side for a long time can be stressful. If your relationship is still on the rocks, and you don’t know who else to turn to for guidance, you should realize what men secretly want.
Good luck!…