He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore

 

 

It’s the little things that you do which keeps me wondering – do you still love me?

 

He asked me if he can sleep in the guest room because the baby was keeping him up all night and he had to work early every morning. That was three years ago, but until now even if the baby is a toddler and doesn’t make a sound at night, he still sleeps in a different bed when he’s here.

 

I said “when he’s here” because as of two years ago, he went back to his hometown for work. As if the distance between us was not enough for him, he had to move 500 miles away from me. We only see each other every other weekend, and every day I had to text or call him first so that we can talk.

 

It was excruciating for me that he was there in the guest room. I know he wanted his rest, but I wanted to rest too. And I needed his presence while taking care of a newborn at 43 years old. Was it too much to ask? He even made a life decision without my say. My husband wanted to work in his hometown, and I was forced to accept that fact. I did it without raising my voice because that’s what he wanted – “I’m going back to New York. I have an offer there. We’ll just set up our schedule.” What else can I say but “okay?”

 

The pain of him “working far away” was unbearable. It was crushing my being, and I felt like he was leaving me for good. But what can I do? He wanted to work there and as his wife, I had to be supportive.

 

 

On the reverse, shouldn’t he be supportive of me too? Why is it that I always had to give and accept? What about me? What about what I want and need from him?

 

Am I overreacting? Is this a little bit dramatic? Am I a drama queen? Is it too bad to desire for your husband’s attention, care, and love? For so long, I didn’t feel that. I remember back then – I would cry during our intimate act because of how much I love him. My whole body trembled because of happiness and pure bliss. Now, after 5 minutes of quickened activity, he would rise after he kisses my forehead. Where is our intimacy these days, huh?

 

What is going on? Something is happening here that I don’t like. I don’t like it at all. It’s not what I expected, and this is not what I want. Do I even matter? My heart tells me to scream, shout, and get angry at this whole messed up situation. Isn’t it my right to tell him how I feel? What will he say about it? I guess it’s time to find out.

 

“You’ve been ignoring me lately, and I don’t get to see you as often as I want to, you know. Can we make an effort and do something about it?”

 

“What are you saying now? You’re not making any sense. What effort? Am I not feeding you and the kids? Are you saying I lack in the provision department? Don’t I give you what you need every day? Three meals and some?”

 

And so, I know now. I wished my husband would have reacted differently, but he saw me like that – a provision – his burden of 3 meals and some.

 

How do I proceed now? Tell me. I can’t think straight, and frankly, my numbness is sinking in.…

“Cheaters Always Cheat And Liars Always Lie?”

 

 Many women – and men – have at one point in their lives been victims of infidelity. In fact, surveys say that more than 20% of married men and 15% of married women have had affairs. Does this validate the cliché ‘cheaters always cheat and liars always lie?’

Here are some collected opinions gathered from therapists and psychologists on whether or not a cheating spouse can turn around and never cheat again, or if it strengthens the notion that cheaters and liars never change.

The Cliché Is Biased. Once we expect that because he cheated once, he will always cheat, then we are belittling a person’s capacity to change for the better. Those who say this have perhaps never felt the guilt that comes after a one-night stand or a short-lived affair. The terrible feeling of having hurt your spouse and your kids has left me unable to sleep for weeks, and it’s the worst feeling ever,” said Tom, a husband who once was tempted to date her secretary while her wife was gone for a business trip. He claimed that it was the only time he was unfaithful and will never do it again.

Cheaters Have A Chance To Work On His Issues. Couple’s therapists have witnessed divorces that happen because of illicit affairs. They’ve also seen couples that decide to stay despite infidelity problems because they want to work things out. A therapist told the Huffington Post that a simple method of determining if your spouse will easily cheat again is if he confesses to his fault and takes full responsibility for what he did. This may happen spontaneously or after a few sessions of counseling. If he does this, they probably won’t cheat again. But if he continues to deny what happened and even gets angry if he is confronted, there’s a very slim chance for change from him.

If There Is No Remorse, Change May Not Be Possible. Hats off to spouses who would willingly sit it out in therapy for weeks. Obviously, they want their marriage to work, and they do love their partner. There are still many couples out there that would give anything to rebuild their marriage, and they can do that as long as they feel the remorse and guilt of hurting their partners. However, some simply brush the issue off after a few weeks of committing the infidelity. They want their partners to forget it quickly and may sometimes even blame their partner because they probably needed attention that their partner couldn’t give. When you hear that, you’re in for a serial cheating game. Give it up.

The Cheating Spouse May Be Motivated By The Hurt He Has Caused. This is possible for someone who isn’t used to cheating. He can’t believe that he was able to do that to his partner and his family, and he is very willing to make up for what he’s done. Guilt is an effective motivator for positive change. Perhaps your spouse had to be unfaithful for him to realize that he might lose everything. It is likened to a person who is charged with a DUI. He won’t promise to drink again unless he is detained for a night in jail and is forced to sleep on the floor.

The Betrayed Spouse Needs To Forgive. The cheating spouse maybe 100% sure that he won’t cheat again, but if the betrayed partner can’t forgive, there is no peaceful reconciliation. The mantra that cheaters always cheat and liars always lie alters a person’s capacity to realize that their partner is human, forgivable, and most of all, imperfect. Once the hurt spouse accepts this and opens his or her mind that marriage is precious and needs a second chance, then there is no second chance. But if he or she can move past it, the couple can definitely recover, heal, and be happy again.

 

 …

Surviving A Long Distance Marriage

 

You may not have chosen to be in a long-distance marriage when you exchanged vows with your spouse, for others living apart but together is indeed a reality. It can be because of a family emergency, an inevitable move of your spouse’s company, or any valid reason. Whatever it is, you have got to try and make an effort to make your relationships thrive and survive.

Below are some tips that we have gathered from various marriage therapists on how to navigate a long-distance marriage and make it last.

 

  • Take Advantage Of Technology. There are times when you need to step back from social media and smartphones, especially when you’ve had too much of it for a day, but for long-distance couples, you can use it to your advantage. Skype and Face Time are free mobile apps that you can always use during your free time. Schedule your talks when you’re done with work, or when you’re at home cooking dinner so the kids can join in the conversation. When you miss each other while working, maybe you can slip your phone and send a sweet message with love emoticons that will assure your partner of your love for him. Stay connected, so you’ll never feel as though you’re miles away.

 

  • Post Photos Of You And Your Spouse. If you’re living in a remote area for work reasons, clip some great photos of you and your spouse in the edge of your mirror, or put them in an album and display them by your bedside table. Don’t let the cliché ‘out of sight, out of mind’ beat you. Though it takes more than photos to strengthen your marriage, it does help in reminding you that someone’s waiting for you and trusting that you are keeping the love alive.
  • Play The Role Of Couples Living Together. Talk about pretending that you lived together so that when you are in your corresponding places, it won’t seem like you’re very far from each other. The distance will create different lives for you, and if you allow it to destroy your marriage, it probably can. This task is simple, and if you are ready to do anything for the marriage, this you can do.

 

  • Do Not Assume. Don’t make any assumptions just from your spouse’s tone of voice, emails, or text messages. A lot of these are easily mistaken, depending on the way you read them. For instance, you’re trying to call, but he’s not answering. He might be in a meeting, and suddenly you receive this automatic message that says, “I can’t talk right now.” Don’t overreact and think that he’s rejecting you or he’s not interested. Wait for him to call you or ask him when you do your usual video calls. You mustn’t get your insecurities in the way of your relationship. Agree that both of you will mend misunderstandings not through texts but through video conversations where things are clearer.
  • Make A Commitment To End The Distance. Work and family are important, and partners must try their best to understand that as much as they can. But in the end, there must be an expiration date to the long-distance contract. Although you think you can do it, it isn’t right to be away from each other forever. Do what you can. Save up while you’re away for your future. Finally, live together as a family because you ought to.

 

 

 …

No One Knows Your Husband Well More Than You Do

 

If your husband had spent ten years of his life living with you, that is more than enough to make you say that you know him well. You shared the same roof and the same bed. You know all the embarrassing secrets that he doesn’t usually divulge to others. Sure, he had people in his life before you, and they are a part of his past. People change with time, so with the decade you spent together, no one can tell you that they know your husband enough to correct or invalidate your thoughts.

Your husband has a family whom he shared about two decades of his life. His parents watched his every milestone, and her brother and sister had seen him struggle with adolescence. However, you are his wife, and you know the present him.

 

Reasons Why You Know Your Husband More Than Anyone:

 

You Know Your Husband More Than Your In-Laws

It is because they only know the young version of their son, and we all know that people grow up. Dreams and perspective change as we get old. We develop fears and behaviors we didn’t have when we were children.

You might hear your mother-in-law say, “I know him more than anyone. I am his mom.” This statement has truth to it. She was there when he knew nothing but happiness, and you as a parent would likely feel the same about your child. You think you know him well enough, but that’s because he is eight.

Yes, our parents know our foundation, but there are many evolving aspects that we acquire when we raise a family of our own. We experience different stressors than our parents. We meet different people and deal with various problems because the life we live in is in so many ways different from how life was 30 years ago.

 

You Know Your Husband More Than His Friends

Sometimes, the relationship of your husband with his friends may affect your marriage, especially when you feel that they are overstepping their boundaries. Your husband may confide or share things about you, but that doesn’t give them the right to have a say in the issue. Yes, they can give their opinion, but they should never meddle with your relationship.

To speak fairly, there are also some things we might not know about our husbands that his friends do. For instance, you may not pay attention to his favorite football player, and it is one of the things that he could excitingly share with his friends, especially when he knows that football doesn’t interest you. It’s just like with our girlfriends and us. They are the only ones we share our makeup brands with and absolutely not our husbands.

 

You Probably Know Your Husband More Than Himself.

However, this is a complicated thing as we tend to believe what we observe and feel. For instance, you might think he is not romantic because he doesn’t take you out on a date, buy you expensive stuff, or surprise you. However, do you really know what he thinks? What if he wants to, but he also thinks of you as someone who doesn’t want to go out because of social anxiety, you don’t want gifts because you feel it’s a waste of money and you are saving, or you hate surprises.

You know your husband as far as he expresses himself, but beyond that, you could only assume and base on past situations. Your thoughts about him depend upon what he shows you which could be confusing at times. However, don’t misunderstand confusion with not knowing him entirely.

 

Evidently, we know a person based on how much time we spent with him. However, they say that you don’t know someone until you see him under pressure. Who else sees your husband through all the stress and struggles? It’s definitely not his parents nor his friends.…

Mindfulness And Self-Care: Dealing With Toxic In-Laws

Adulthood is worrying about liabilities, necessities, and relationships – stress! Too much of it can cause you mental health problems. And make no mistake – it can kill you! You have probably heard about people who committed suicide out of depression, and the number is growing day by day. Besides committing suicide, depression can cause you to acquire several diseases such as cancer, heart, problems, and more.…

How Social Media Is Killing Marriage

Source: lifeadvancer.com

We heard stories of couples experiencing challenging situations and even go to the extreme point of separating or divorcing all just because of the influence of social media. For real? Yes. This is actually happening today and this article will try to elaborate further on how social media can destroy marriage and will also look into the strategies to prevent it from happening.…

Dealing with Depression As A Couple

Source: postpartumstress.com

Hugh and Claire were married for six years now and life has been good for them until Claire was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 1 that puts their relationship to a test.

“It was really hard for me. I lost my sense of perception and focus in life. I neglected my obligations and duties as a wife and mother to our two kids. I can’t believe that this would happen to my family.”

Hugh recounted that Claire was already showing signs of depression after the diagnosis. “It’s already hard to accept that she is having breast cancer. But it is harder to see her getting caught up by her depression every day.”…

How I Almost Lost My Marriage Thru Chat Rooms (And How I Saved It Back)

Source: joydigitalmag.com

John and I have been married for 5 years now. We decided that I’ll be a stay-at-home wife after marriage while he continues to work as a finance manager in a banking firm. The arrangement was pretty much comfortable at the beginning. I make sure that I attend to his needs and take care of our household. We also decided not to have babies at first. We wanted to experience our togetherness and enjoy each other’s company before we bring in children to our family.…