Five Questions To Determine If Your Cheating Partner Is Worthy Of A Second Chance

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton announced their split after a marriage of twenty years. Although the actual cause of their parting is not apparent, there are rumors that Robin is having indiscretions and rumors about betrayal. This can most definitely destroy a family.

“The details of affairs vary—where and when they start, whether or how they stop, what was “it” that pulled each person in.” — Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W.

When you are in love, you often feel nice and safe. But there are instances that these feeling change to the opposite in a snap. Infidelity is hard to accept, but some couples can work this out. The wayward spouse just needs to prove to the betrayed partner that the relationship is worthy of saving. The guilty person should do everything to win back the trust and love of their partner.

This article can help you decide if your cheating partner deserves to be forgiven, and it will guide you through the process of recovery.

STEP ONE: Is The Person Worthy Of Another Chance?

Forgiveness should only be given to those who deserve it. Here are five questions which can help you to know if your partner is deserving:

Has your partner cheated on you with other people in the past?

If yes, then, you should not give him or her another chance. Your partner may have developed a habit of cheating over and over until someone brutally dumps him or her, which will make the person realize that the behavior is not acceptable at all costs.

Why did he or she do it?

Try putting yourself in your wayward partner’s shoes and ask yourself, why did I do it? If it is a one-time incident, then, there should be a genuine reason as to why it happened. It is easier to forgive a one-time thing compared to repeated cheating or a long-time affair.

What do you think will your partner do if he or she is in the same predicament?

Ask the wayward partner what will happen if the situation is reversed. Assess the answer given.

How was your relationship when it happened?

If your relationship is ongoing a crisis, then, it is more acceptable or forgivable. It is hard to give your trust back when you did not notice any signs of what was wrong. If he or she left no clues, then, how can the person guarantee it will not happen again?

Does your partner regret what was done?

Regret is not something that can easily be seen. He or she should be remorseful of the pain you are currently experiencing.

“The most dangerous phrase in the language is, “We’ve always done it that way.”” — Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W.

STEP TWO: Give Each Other Space

It is better not to see each other for a while for you to stabilize your emotions. Never cling to your wayward partner after the cheating as it will only give him or her the impression that you are easy to fool.

If you are living together, then, you may ask the person to move out indefinitely. Take this time to think and come up with questions that you need answers to about the infidelity. Your partner can answer these when you meet up again or he or she won’t, and that’s the issue there.

STEP THREE: Meet Up And Talk

This kind of meeting up is a crucial part in your decision making if the relationship will be saved. Ask your partner lots of questions that need to be answered, and he or she should also be ready to explain it. You may receive painful answers, but it is essential to know what is happening between the two of you. With their answers, you can decide if it is still worth it and if yes, you can start seeing again.


STEP FOUR: Build A New Relationship

Do not go back to the same old relationship. You can start and build a new one together. Make it exciting and fun, amidst the past. It can also be better than the old one, and the only missing part is innocence and trust.

This relationship aims to replace the missing pieces before with other stronger qualities. It is normal to bring back the past in some instances, but try to refrain from doing it as this will destroy your new relationship. To feel reassured, set the rules that might help you in building the new connection. In the end, your new bond will be even better than the last.


STEP FIVE: Be Prepared To Change

All of the steps mentioned are for you, the betrayed spouse. You should also consider your partner’s needs and reasons. If there are qualities, traits, actions, or habits that your partner feels satisfied with that is not in you, then, try to change and provide that as long as it is healthy for you too. It may be hard to reinvent your qualities and personality, especially when you’ve been together for a long time. Explore the different ways you can do that.

“Couples may find that therapy – both individual and as a couple – is necessary and helpful for their recovery and rebuilding process.” — Samantha Smithstein Psy.D.

There is one final question that is often asked: When will this pain go away and when will I be better? The answer is time will heal these wounds and can take this pain away. In six months, you may feel better, and after a year, you may also learn trust again. If not, then it is better you move on – without your spouse or partner.