This blog is a continuation of the previous blog I posted titled “Is Your Child’s Behavior Ruining Your Marriage? Don’t Let It! (First Part).” In the last blog, I mentioned essential matters like how your kid’s behavior can influence a gap in your marriage and things that you can do to enhance your relationship with your husband by not nagging.
Here, I am still going to provide some sound advice, as per my experience and from the thoughts of those who have been married for more than 30 years. I hope it can shed light on some of your queries.
Accept That Sometimes You Think You’re Going Crazy And That’s Okay
Boom! “Crazy,” that’s a big word. But when you have children who are exhibiting tantrums and such, you’d be that kind of mom.
On the topic of acceptance, when it comes to parenting there really are tough pills to swallow – the CRAZY pills.
Craziness is relative. If you think that a particular family is breezing through life with an “easy” kid, then, re-check your judgment. They may have a quiet kid, but it doesn’t mean that their situation is a lot better. Many parents may appear replenished when they go outside, but indoors we are all just the same crazy moms (and dads) especially when the kids are at war with us.
How can we go about it? Be yourself. Accept that life can be crazy with kids involved. Don’t get “wacko” on your spouse. Let it go – this is life.
Play To Each Other’s Strengths
I mentioned in the other post that says “I’m on your team” and it can go a long way. Well, in parenting every statement should be backed up with an equal action.
As for you and your spouse, you are a team, and you have roles to fulfill when it comes to dealing with the kids. Play to your strengths, and if you can make your kids calm down with your cooking abilities, then do it. If your partner is the type to drag your kids around the park effortlessly, then use that method as well. You are a team and playing with each other’s strength is your best chance of surviving this phase.
If your partner is struggling in one aspect and you think that you can help them by taking over, don’t hesitate to do it. You have to talk to your spouse about assisting, as well. Letting things be while your spouse struggles can spell D-O-O-M for your relationship.
Call It When Needed, But In A Private Manner
Family dinners, vacations, strolls, and family time, in general, can go the wrong way at times especially when young kids are involved. In those cases, it might be better to pull away a bit and distance everybody from one another.
Furthermore, you can try planning out things. As Jeffrey Bernstein put it in his book titled “10 Days To A Less Defiant Child,” an unruly child will not be like that forever. To put things where they should be, you can discipline your child without other people seeing it. You have to build the child’s character at home so that when you go out, he will know how to behave. Just in case your child needs reminding, do it privately.
Get Professional Help
I’ve told you that going crazy is a part of things when you have kids and that parenting is tough. It can even break up your marriage because it’s too much to handle. Now, at times, you suck it up. But if things go way out of hand, then by all means, get help.
A child psychologist named Mike Fraser explained that a third party could put things in perspective. This professional with a trained eye can assess your situation. He or she will help you towards a therapy or counseling plan specific to your needs.
For example, your child is the type of kid to explode and who turns a perfect weekend into a disaster. (Believe me. There is a kid like that.) Professional help is about preparing for that kind of situation and knowing how to handle it when the need arises.
I know. This blog is long too, and as I said, I needed to divide it since I don’t like writing long articles! Anyway, I hope this blog has helped you in a way. Maintain a loving and understanding relationship with your spouse, even if your child is over the top in unruliness. You can survive this!