Talking about marriage, we often believe that others have been living much better-wedded relationships. We always assume that financially wealthy people have it all – happy matrimony, sex, and family when there is money. Well, it is not always like that.
Did we overlook something? Is it superficial or misguided to equate a substantial bank account with genuine happiness? While money can provide temporary satisfaction and improve certain aspects of our lives, it does not guarantee lasting fulfillment.
I met Sally and Richard Langley when we moved to their neighborhood a few years back. They have three kids, all grown up, but they had an unusual setup. All of their adult children live with them, and each has a husband or wife. I thought that such a situation could only occur in a film, with characters portrayed by Chris Cooper as Harry Allen, Rachel McAdams, and Pierce Brosnan, or in narratives found on websites or external links related to indie movies or music. However, this turned out to be a true story.
I think it’s because of their culture and traditions – they’re Filipino, and from what I’ve heard, Filipinos are clannish, and the parents are relevant enablers. They think it’s their responsibility to support the union of their 25-year-old son, whose spouse just gave birth.
“Typically, a one-time sexual encounter is not as devastating as repeated infidelities or a long-term affair.” — Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW
I wasn’t going to judge their situation as if I were an audience watching their lives unfold, but yes, Sally was my closest friend in a world of wealth. They can afford to feed 15 people every day, but is this one necessary role? Does it make sense for them to continue playing saints for everyone and pay for everything in their household? There was a moment Sally cried her eyes out last year because she was hurt, and I overheard her talking with her sister on the phone. While she loved witnessing her children’s journeys unfold and showering them with affection, she wished for them to be independent, gain knowledge, and achieve success on their own terms. I also know for a fact that the husband has multiple partners outside of their committed relationship. Well, it’s not a “mistress,” and it’s a “master” since Richard is a closeted gay man.
They look happy on the outside, doing crazy and fun things together, but they’re keeping secrets from each other. Richard is intelligent but gay, and Sally didn’t want to continue taking care of their grown-up kids. I mean, what else are they concealing in the carefully constructed narrative they present as their shared existence? How can one be expected to be genuinely contented in a committed partnership enveloped in trouble and lies?
When Things Aren’t What It Seems
Here are Ellie and Carl. They seem like the epitome of a perfect partnership, having spent nearly 25 years together. From what Carl said, they started young and entered into a committed partnership at 19. The couple has six children, (oh,they’ve certainly been keeping busy), and their video library business is booming.
The house is perfect. No chair is out of place and everything else is in order. Moreover, Carl would continuously post quality pictures with precise edits of Ellie and the kids on social media – saying how much he loves his wife and that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. That’s their way of expressing love. Who wouldn’t melt with that statement of “love,” right?
“Among couples today, cybersex and Internet infidelity are leading causes of divorce.” — Samantha Smithstein Psy.D.
I was so wrong. One day, while I was waiting for Ellie at their home, Carl cornered me against the wall — like a scary scene in a movie. He thought ahead that my comments of “You look so happy!” or “I’m totally jealous!” on his website posts meant that ‘I wanted him. It’s so absurd. How can he claim to love his relationship when he preys on any woman that provides harmless comments on his Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter? I’m pretty sure there are others, and Carl is a God in physical appearance with a head full of curls and seemingly impeccable manners. Some women may not be as principled as me. Oh, poor woman! And she always asks me if I saw his flavor of the month like they are lyrics from a rap genre song. She knows! How sad.
Work On Yourself
Don’t Let Lies Ruin You As A Person
I find all of it disturbing. While she loved witnessing her children’s journeys unfold and showering them with affection, she wished for them to be independent, gain knowledge, and achieve success on their own terms. You’ll only realize the true reality when you’re struggling with complications.I think what I’m determined to say here is that there’s no perfect union. Cash can’t link you to beautiful partnerships. It has to be you.You need to make an effort to make your own side of the fence greener so you and your partner can be on the same page. Otherwise, everything — from distance to emotions to spirit to even the tone of voice — can inject poison into it and result in unhappiness.
“Forgiveness may eventually come, but forgetting never does. The matrimony is changed forever, innocence and dreams are lost.” — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW
Finally
If you forget the values, principles, and morals in living, then where will you be? Can you continue being unfaithful forever? Will you be able to conceal your sexuality until the end? Do you believe that you can continuously suppress your true feelings? You can’t. That’s why you have to be honest with yourself if you want to truly experience happiness in your committed relationship.
(Remember: Bottling up everything can cause significant mental damage, and if you’re at that point right now, understand that you may benefit from seeking professional help, such as online counseling.)
FAQs
What Makes Happy Marriages?
Effective communication, mutual respect, trust, shared values, and emotional support are key factors that contribute to happy partnerships.
Why Does Love Diminish After Entering Into a Commitment?
Love may diminish after entering into a commitment due to various factors such as complacency, lack of communication, unresolved conflicts, and neglecting the emotional needs of both partners. Additionally, the demands of everyday routines, external stressors, and the passage of time can also contribute to a gradual decline in the intensity of romantic love. However, with effort, open communication, and a commitment to nurturing the relationship, love can be rekindled and grow stronger over time in a committed partnership.
What Is The Most Challenging Year Of Your Marital Journey?
The most challenging year of a marital journey can vary for each couple, as it depends on various factors and individual circumstances. Difficulties and challenges can arise at any point in a marriage, such as during the adjustment period of the early years, during transitions, or when facing significant conflicts or crises. It is important for couples to communicate, support each other, and seek professional help if needed to navigate through these challenging times and strengthen their relationship.
What Are The Most Common Problems In Marriages?
Can vary from couple to couple, but some common issues include communication problems, lack of emotional intimacy, financial conflicts, disagreements about parenting or family dynamics, sexual dissatisfaction, and a lack of shared goals or interests. Other challenges may arise from external stressors such as work pressures, extended family issues, or health problems. It is important for couples to address these problems through open and honest communication, seeking professional help if needed, and actively working on improving their relationship.
What Are The 5 Important Things In Marriages?
The 5 important things in marriages for married couples are family life, trust, communication, love, and conflict resolution skills.
What Is the Essence Of Marriage?
The essence of marriage is sharing life with a married partner, creating new experiences together, building a life as a married couple over the years, and cherishing the journey of married life.
What Is the Term For The Institution Of Marriage?
Is It Referred To As The Institution Of Marriage Or The State Of Being In A Marital Union?
What Constitutes A Fulfilling And Harmonious Marriage?
Why Do People Marry?