The best couples are often always the ones who are in perfect harmony. They anticipate each other’s necessities before the other needs it. They seem to know exactly what gift to get their partner. Sometimes, they finish each other’s thoughts before they even utter it into a sentence. It’s like all the cosmic forces in the universe molded them to be together.
But what if your marriage isn’t close to anything like that? Has your chance for a happy ending diminished?
I have come to believe that the real culprit in marriage isn’t the particular problems people bring to therapists, it’s when one or both spouses become hopeless. — Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW
The answer is no, it hasn’t. The secret to a happy marriage is more than just calling on astral powers. There’s definitely a need for an inexplicable connection between the two of you. However, building a life and a family together takes a lot more work than falling in love. There will come a time when your partner’s adorable idiosyncrasies become the very trait that makes you want to pull your hair out. Let me tell you– that’s perfectly normal. After the excitement of starting a brand-new chapter has blown over, it’s reasonable to start feeling bored and annoyed at your spouse.
Couples can work toward finding ways to change patterns in a way that deepens their relationships, or they can work toward finding their way out of the relationship. — Suzanne Lachmann Psy.D.
Make Some Extra Effort
Some married couples are just innately luckier than others. But, compatibility isn’t impossible to achieve. It’s something you constantly work on each day. The keywords here are compromise and understanding.
We all need to realize that no matter how hard we or other people try, no one will ever fully get us. Much to our dismay, modern technology and/or human evolution hasn’t granted us telepathic powers just yet. Patience and communication can lead to compatibility without having to sacrifice being yourselves.
First, you must learn to be able to voice out your problems. Being tactfully frank is a lot harder than you think. After all, honesty without compassion is cruelty. Sit them down and calmly explain what about their attitude has been bothering you and why. Make sure to never make them feel like it’s their fault. Suggest alternatives or solutions to their habit. You must be prepared to dedicate yourself to help them change. This means that you’ll have to be more encouraging and forbearing. Based on experience, positive reinforcement is the best way to go. Another tip is to clearly lay out the problem, from its core down to the actions you can take to solve it.
Things are never perfect in relationships in general but there are some indicators of whether the relationship is in need of professional help. — Maria Baratta Ph.D., L.C.S.W.
Tit for Tat
Opening up goes two ways, which brings me to the next phase. You must be willing to take criticism for your eccentricities as well. Be the first to bring it up. Let them know that you’re also on this journey of self-discovery and change. Hear them out and try not to be so defensive about it. Consider their comments and adjust to your partner. If you’re having a hard time letting go of a habit, let them know. They’ll either help you through it or just accept it and compromise for you. Once they realize that it’s not that big of a deal, you’ll be surprised that they can be more understanding than you think.
Compatibility is, and always will be, a choice. If you think something as intangible as the Universe can mold people into puzzle pieces destined for each other, then why can’t you?